Dear Doctor, is it true that I have successfully sterilized myself by not removing my car’s key-remote from my pocket before using it?

Dear Josh, what did I say about no more letter-scrolls taped to the collars of seeing-eye dogs? You have to call and navigate the byzantine voicemail system like everybody else, piecing together clues, both aural and contextual, performing calculations on the fly, thinking along the z-axis, maybe taking notes, consulting a reference librarian, reading the celestial messages spelled out in a chicken entrails. Only the strong shall survive.

encl.