“What a you, ape?”

“Not ape.”

“This present I make for you. Really look.”

“I said thank you.”

“That shit is handcrafted.”

“I said thank you like ten jillion times.”

“Ten jillion, and yet not once did you mean it.”

“It … well. It frankly makes me nervous.”

“Aha! Yes!”

“The harness is maybe tighter than I would like and the rotating blades probably way closer to my balls than I’d prefer.”

“But the nervousness is thumbs-up, right? It adds tension to your life!”

“It does.”

“It makes your movements extra-precise! Yes? Makes you appreciate subtle motion. Grace. Carefulness.”

“All true.”

“I am guaranteeing noticeable results within two weeks.”

“Two weeks? I’ve got that big presentation in the morning.”

“Go ahead. Try to take it off for your big presentation. Go right on ahead.”

“This is the best birthday ever.”

“Tonight: lap dances! But only for me, I guess.”