I want to bed my new double-thick insoles. The shameless sluts! So decadent! So indulgent! Anyway so I’m at Payless and nearby a couple is having a harsh, whispered discussion and I’m not paying attention because like, what, has anything ever been interesting, ever? But as I’m scanning the lowest row of child-slave-stitched footwear I notice that the guy has on one regular man-shoe and one saucy electric-blue high heel. He’s hissing: “I just want to get out of here.” And she says: “Those don’t look comfortable. Are they comfortable? Here, try these on.” And he’s on the verge of suppressed hysteria: “I have made my decision, these are fine.” And she goes: “Walk around a little.” And he’s all: “Why are you doing this to me? I only need to wear them for five minutes, I’m getting these, let’s go.” And she goes: “How about the color? I’m not sold on that color.”